The strength to stand alone is the strength to make a stand for a purpose greater than yourself. I found that greater purpose and, in 2018, I made my stand.
Thanks 2018. You will always hold a special place in my heart. My entire journey this year has always been about transitioning from a small man, into a man-in-the-making. Heading into my 30s, there are still delicate balances between bad and good, and I can say for sure that it is still one of my biggest concerns. However, growing up in 2018 is a lot about knowing how to surrender myself from wanting, and rather focus on what is important and of need.
It wasn’t a beautiful start, it was indeed very painful and dark and murky. Blow by blow, reality comes crushing down. The weight of the world, the entice of the past, and the cloudiness of the future… they are still lurking and smirking at me. But whatever was thrown at me, on those days, were meant to make me stronger. Because of those early struggles, I was able to accomplish many deeds I never thought I could do, and I really appreciate you for that, 2018.
Arriving in my 30s, I came so unprepared, but in 2018 I found reLife, not as a magical term, but as a real purpose. I set out my 2018 to reset nearly everything. Some I succeeded, some I failed. But all of them gave me new meanings, and I realize that I always hold the power to give meanings to everything around me. I gave meaning to my silent plea, I gave some to my crashed determination, I gave even more to my lost dreams. I reimagine my whole future. If there is anything I can take out of this contemplation, I could see that the voice that keeps telling me that I am running out of time and there is not much time left, is a voice of a small me. I understood how well-meaning my small me wants to let me aware of all the danger of losing meaning in life. But dear small me, there is no such thing as fixed meaning. We can always improve those meanings.
2018, you were tough, harsh and even ruthless. I can’t help but feel so lonely in this space of despair and deficit. However, I remember one more thing. I can choose. I can choose to be hopeful or hopeless. I can choose to be strong or to be weak. I can choose to be brave or cowardice. I can choose to be sorry or be better. I can choose between the light or the darkness. I can choose to stand up and fight, or go down and crawl. You know damn well what I chose. Well, I did slip a few times and what lost is lost. But whatever come this way, I know I can choose.
So farewell my 2018, farewell all the highs and lows, all the ups and downs, all the good and bad. They will become parts of me, be my strength and guidance. Thanks for everything.