My concept of time


It’s 9pm. It has been a long day already. But I still have many to do. There always seems to be not enough time. I must hurry. I must rush, for I only have a few more hours before I call it a day. I want to make things count, no matter what. I need to push myself harder, and harder. Be faster. Be quicker. There’s not enough time, and there’s so many work left.

This is what inside my head looks like. It’s a storm of back and forth arguments, of either quit it or move forward. It’s a never-ending self-debate. It’s a conflict on my concept of time.

I am rather impulsive, this I must admit. I’m impulsive to the point that I want to control time. Yeah, time is elusive, so that’s why if I can’t catch it, I don’t feel like tonight I would have a good sleep.

But let’s cut this some slacks.

What brought me to this topic and article is that I just notice something amidst this stormy voyage with my train of thoughts: I nearly commit a grave mistake… AGAIN.

Just what is wrong with not having enough time? Does everyone else think or actually does have enough time? Maybe not. Maybe not even god. I just realize that, the more I try to control time, the more I try to rush over things, the more likely I would commit big mistakes. It happened before, I would happen again.

With this impulsive mind, my judgement is clouded. “This is the best time to do it” “This is the perfect time for this stuff” “If I lose this opportunity, there’s no telling when the next door opens” This is what I kept telling myself. And so, I always think about making the fastest move as possible. But is haste a good, reliable and effective solution? Would I end up being just speedy but lacks substance? How many more mistakes I want to make? If we let time dictates our emotion, it will be all over. If there’s something I don’t have right now, then it is not “time”, but the patience to embrace the concept of time. There is no such thing as not having enough time.

Remember the purpose, uphold the conviction, reaffirm my self-belief. I need to calm down. Let’s take a deep breath.

Breath.

Alter my concept of time.

Alter my destiny.

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